Five things I wish I'd known before I gave birth.

1) flat nipples, nipple shields, flanges, milk ejection reflex…say what???

Before I became a doula, I did not do my research when I decided to breastfeed my children. I hadn't yet learned about the newborn breast crawl or natural breastfeeding positions. I hadn't learned about plugged ducts or mastitis or complications from mastitis. I did not educate myself about my own body or about any of the terminology surrounding breastfeeding.  I had a romantic idea that everything would just come naturally and happen on its own.

I found myself about a week postpartum in the emergency room with a fever of one hundred and four to discover I had developed a massive abscess in my breast that was infected (a complication from mastitis) and needed to be surgically aspirated.  I was also prescribed two different courses of antibiotics when the infection persisted weeks later.  I hit the pause button on breastfeeding and had to switch to formula and bottle feeding. It took some time for me to recover and once I did I was dedicated to getting my son back on my breast. This time I did educate myself about my own body and about the terminology surrounding breastfeeding and we went on to successfully have a 2-year breastfeeding adventure together. I would have saved myself from a traumatic infection had I done my research about my own body. Little did I know that this experience would set me on the path to becoming a doula. Now I'm dedicated to helping make sure people do not find themselves injured in the same way that I did.

2) the ring of fire: when your body nearly splits in two to birth your baby -

I thought my body was literally going to split into two halves. Even though my midwife was doing her best with oil massage I still felt the Ring of fire and the sensation is indelibly imprinted in my body permanently. I was so scared. I'd never experienced pain on that level before. I wasn't sure if it was the beginning of something that would last longer or if it was the sign of things ending. When I birthed my son I experienced a second-degree tear that required stitches. The aftercare for such an injury includes a Peri bottle and numbing spray. At the time, I wasn't prepared for having to recover from this particular injury and take care of a newborn at the same time. Now, there are products designed to make this recovery slightly easier and I encourage people to explore the use of those products. Anything that makes your recovery simpler is worth investing in. A Frida mom Peri bottle and a bottle of witch-hazel will go a long way.

3) my entire body felt like Jell-O after I gave birth and I was sure my insides would just plop out onto the floor-

At the end of my pregnancy, my belly was as hard as a rock and once my son was born everything turned to mush. I really truly thought my insides would just plop out onto the floor and I found myself holding my belly to keep them from falling. There are cultures that practice belly binding postpartum for many reasons and preventing birthing people from feeling like their insides are about to fall out onto the floor seems like as good a reason as any. As someone who tries to practice minimalism when possible, I would recommend using a fabric baby wrap to bind your belly instead of purchasing extra products (Solly baby is my favorite). If that option doesn't feel right, try participating in a belly binding ceremony (Bellibind) or buying a product specifically designed for postpartum belly binding (belly bandit). One of the most important things for people to embrace postpartum is the idea that what's right for their body is what they should commit to doing. Everybody's body is different and everybody's experience is different and I always encourage people to listen to their own bodies.

4) car seats are not self-explanatory despite the instructions and the instructions certainly don't warn you about crying and being anxious driving your newborn home from the hospital-

Car seat installation is a science. There are actually people trained in proper car seat installation. They are called child passenger safety technicians. Hiring a technician is worth every penny if you have it. They will not only teach you how to properly install the car seat itself and properly harness your baby, they will also teach you how to uninstall, and reinstall the car seat. As a first-time newborn parent, you can't fathom the amount of times that you will be installing and uninstalling a car seat. It's almost laughable. Having the Peace of mind and the knowledge to be able to do it safely was of the utmost importance to me and continues to be one of the things I always recommend that people do if they can afford it. As for the first ride home from the hospital, nothing can quite prepare you for the amount of emotions you will experience on that car ride. Personally, I cried all 20 blocks home which felt like an eternity. I was so worried that my child wasn't harnessed properly or that he was going to stop breathing while he was in the car seat that I felt compelled to watch him every second we were in the car. The high amount of anxiety waned after about 3 weeks. Unfortunately, my oldest child hated riding in the car for the first two years of his life and he screamed bloody murder every time we had to drive anywhere for 2 years straight. I was not prepared for that either. Eventually, he grew out of it but oh so much drama around the car seat.

5) it's ok to refuse visitors-

The concept of refusing visitors after you've had a baby can be difficult to embrace. There is a lot of shame and judgment and expectations revolving around who gets to meet the baby first. Who should be allowed in the hospital when you're still there? Who needs to wait to meet the baby until you got home? It's quite stressful. If you let yourself off of the hook and you embrace the concept of observing the first 40 days or the fourth trimester, you will come to realize that the parents of that newborn baby are the two most important people in the world and everyone else can wait. If you have a village or tribe or a team of people dedicated to nourishing you physically and emotionally once you've given birth, by all means, welcome them into your fourth trimester. If you don't and the people that surround you bring expectations and judgment with them, kindly give yourself permission to refuse their energy and their visits. The first time home with your baby is sacred and you will never get that time back. It's an amazing time to bond and rest and recover and do less and just be together. Anytime you can take to rest and recover and bond is worth it even if it's just a few days or a few weeks. Your body will appreciate it and your soul and your spirit will too. (In LA two postpartum specific meal delivery services are available and I've included the links below: motherbees and twenty-five eight)

Thanks for taking the time to read my post. Until next time. With warmth, love, and kindness,

Raquel.